ALL MY RAGE
By Sabaa Tahiru
If I had read Sabaa Tahir’s new book, ‘All My Rage’, anywhere other than my parents’ house, it would have been torture. That’s because Tahir’s delicious descriptions of Pakistani food – “hot ghee coming out of the pan”, “tender chunks of meat falling off the bone in a cumin-scented sauce”, “potato pakoras, stuffed with thin green chillies and fresh from the deep fryer, ‘ and more – made me long for my family’s Indian cuisine. ‘All My Rage’ isn’t necessarily a book about food, but Tahir’s care and attention to South Asian meals is one of the many aspects of her latest novel that see how important it is to feel connected to home.
The novel follows two best friends, Salahudin and Noor, who want more than what their small California town of Juniper has to offer. But both struggle to see a way out, especially as they face separate crises. Noor battles her guardian uncle who wants her to work in his liquor store instead of pursuing her dream of going to college. Meanwhile, Salahudin tries to run his family’s motel, with little help from his alcoholic father, as his mother’s health deteriorates.
The story alternates their points of view, with chapters from the perspective of Salahudin’s mother, Misbah, added to the mix, revealing what Misbah’s early life was like – how she lived in Pakistan before moving to the United States, how she arranged a marriage at a young age, which influenced her choices as a mother.
“All My Rage” is a love story, tragedy, and a contagious teenage fever dream about what home means when you feel like you don’t belong. Born in Pakistan but emigrated as a child after her family was killed in a tragic accident, Noor craves a culture she never fully got to know. Salahudin alludes to a trauma that he can’t quite remember, but that he still feels the pain in his bones. As the story jumps back and forth between their perspectives, the narration takes on a confessional feel, as if the characters individually share the truths about their relationships, their past regrets, and their hidden desires.
As I read I couldn’t help but support for Salahudin and Noor. When we first meet the couple, they don’t talk because of an argument they had. But when Misbah gets sicker and has to be hospitalized, they are forced into a reunion, both to care for Misbah and to support each other emotionally. When they are together, Salahudin can put aside his anger at his parents. Noor can believe she can break free from Juniper. They understand each other when it seems like no one else does. Their friendship and potential romance is a life raft for them. The question of whether they can rebuild their friendship and whether they will realize their romantic feelings for each other propels the book forward.
Throughout “All My Rage”, Tahir centers on brown teenagers and poignantly portrays how they long for a sense of home. Tahir, a Pakistani American, lived in her family’s motel when she grew up in the Mojave Desert, as did Salahudin. She captures the complex identity crisis that can come with being born in another country, but primarily growing up in the United States. She pays attention to the details of how teens cope when they feel alone – for example, how they cling to music as a refuge and dream of an escape.
“All My Rage” is Tahir’s first book of contemporary YA fiction, and I hope it gets as much buzz as her fantasy series, “An Ember in the Ashes.” When I was a teenager, I devoured books like John Green’s “The Fault in Our Stars” and “Looking for Alaska”. They were some of the earliest stories that taught me about heartbreak, hope, and longing. But if I could’ve read a book like “All My Rage” back then, I would’ve gotten all that, and maybe a greater appreciation for my own culture and the realization that I’m not the only brown kid struggling in a predominantly white school. I liked “All My Rage” as an adult. I would have absolutely loved it as a teenager.
