I have studied more than 200 children; parents who raise mentally strong children never do seven things

As parents, it is our job to give our children the tools they need to face the struggle without breaking.

I've studied more than 200 parent-child relationships, and I'm a mother myself. My goal has always been to teach children how to process hard feelings and move forward. Mentally strong children know how to regulate their emotions, trust themselves and recover after setbacks. And you build that kind of strength at home, in the everyday moments between parent and child.

Here are seven things to avoid if you want to raise mentally strong children.

Children build resilience by learning how to get through difficult situations. When you rush to solve every problem, you rob your child of resilience. Let them struggle with discomfort while remaining present as their safe base.

What to do: Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour says that children who regularly face age-appropriate challenges build stronger emotional regulation over time.

If your child forgets his homework, let him face the natural consequences instead of bringing it to school for him. Then talk about what they learned and how they can plan differently next time.

It's okay to lose your temper sometimes. But parents who raise mentally strong children don't pretend something didn't happen—or blame the child for “forcing” them to respond.

Mental strength comes when you go through problems without destroying confidence.

What to do: If you snapped at them, say, “I was stressed and took it out on you.” I'm sorry.' Your child will learn that mistakes don't end relationships, and that taking responsibility is strength.

This is a model of what experts call “rupture and repair,” a fundamental concept in connection and emotional intelligence.

Shutting down big feelings like anger or sadness teaches children to fear their own emotions. Strength comes from knowing that hard feelings are manageable.

This is also where children practice social resilience. If they know that anger or sadness won't destroy your bond, they will be better prepared for rejection or conflict with peers.

What to do: When your child is upset, don't say, “Everything is fine.” Instead, say, “I know it really hurts. I'm here with you.' Your calm presence teaches them that emotions are not emergencies.

A child who only feels valuable when he succeeds will collapse under pressure. Mentally strong children know that their worth does not depend on grades or trophies.

What to do: Research shows that perfectionism increases in children, which is linked to anxiety and burnout during adolescence.

After a bad grade, don't say, “You're smarter than this.” Instead, say, “I'm proud of the effort you made. Your grade doesn't define you.”

Authoritarian parenting seems strong, but breeds weakness. If children are never given a voice, they learn to break down or rebel. True power grows when they are invited to make decisions and learn that their voice matters.

This is also how children develop autonomy: they exercise independence while staying connected to your guidance.

What to do: Research shows that giving children a sense of control increases motivation and reduces power struggles. Let your child choose between two chores or help decide what to eat. Small choices create trust.

Some parents unconsciously expect children to regulate their stress by comforting them. This emotional role reversal is harmful.

What to do: Instead of saying, “You make me sad,” try, “I feel overwhelmed.” I just need some time to calm down.” It is not your child's job to control your nervous system.

Children raised to idolize productivity grow into burned-out adults. Show them that strength includes knowing when to pause, recharge, and value themselves over constant performance.

When you demonstrate rest, you learn body awareness: how to recognize stress signals and how to respond before burnout.

What to do: Say, “I'm going to rest for twenty minutes. Taking care of myself makes me feel better.”

Mental strength is about helping children cope with difficult things, feel their feelings, take ownership and rest – while knowing they are deeply loved for who they are.

Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting and the creator of FOUNDINGa step-by-step guide to help parents heal and become emotionally secure. She is widely recognized for her expertise in children's emotional safety and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy children. Connect with her Instagram.

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