Consider seeking professional help if you’re struggling with self-defeating behaviors that are impacting your relationship. (Image: Shutterstock)
Remember that a successful relationship is a journey that requires patience, love and understanding.
Maintaining a healthy and successful relationship is a complex process that requires effort, dedication and a willingness to take on challenges. However, some behaviors can subconsciously sabotage the relationship, leading to tensions, misunderstandings and even breakups. The good part is that once you identify this behavior, you can work to address it and prevent further damage.
Psychotherapist Sadaf Siddiqi explained some of the most common ways we sabotage our relationships. Sadaf suggested that individuals should assess their limits and adjust their behavior accordingly, especially with regard to behavior they find unacceptable. She also advised sharing the consequences that could arise if these boundaries are not respected. Sadaf identified five specific behaviors that could potentially damage the relationship.
According to Sadaf Siddiqi, here are some behaviors that can sabotage your relationship:
- Agreeing to things when you actually disagree and holding a grudge.
- Not seeking help but still expecting help from your partner.
- Hiding mental health issues by pretending to be fine or well, rather than being authentic and vulnerable.
- Commonly using “you statements” that feel like attacks or blaming your partner, while still expecting them to provide emotional security.
- Set boundaries that are too strict or too lenient, such as ignoring your partner’s problems or justifying hurtful actions like lying.
Things you can do to keep sabotaging your relationship under control:
- Practice clear communication:
One of the most crucial aspects of a healthy relationship is open and honest communication. Express your needs, thoughts, and feelings clearly and respectfully to your partner. - Practice self-awareness:
Be aware of your own behavior and how it may affect your relationship. Recognize when you are engaging in behaviors that can cause self sabotage, such as passive aggressiveness, antagonizing or blaming your partner. - Define borders:
Set boundaries that reflect your values and needs in your relationship. Communicate them clearly to your partner and hold yourself accountable for enforcing them. - Practice forgiveness:
Forgive yourself and your partner for mistakes and misunderstandings. Avoid holding grudges, which can lead to resentments and breakups. - Seek therapy or guidance:
Consider seeking professional help if you’re struggling with self-defeating behaviors that are impacting your relationship. A therapist can help you identify underlying issues and provide tools to manage and overcome them. - Focus on the positive:
Develop a positive outlook on your relationship. Practice gratitude, express appreciation for your partner, and focus on the good in your relationship instead of dwelling on the negative.
When should you seek professional help?
If self-sabotage becomes severe enough to affect a person’s mental health and day-to-day functioning, it can be classified as a form of self-harm. Seeking help from a professional therapist can be helpful in such cases. However, self-sabotage can also occur in subtle ways, primarily affecting self-esteem and not leading to self-harm. In such scenarios, self-help books can be an excellent starting point for self-improvement.
If you notice any of these behaviors in your relationship, it becomes essential to address them quickly and work towards building a healthy and happy relationship.
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