My 18 year old daughter has a strong sense of style but passionately hates any kind of conventional commercial glitzy fashion and needs a prom dress. She thinks it should be ankle length and not too sticky. She usually buys her clothes in second-hand shops or on the street. The hand-me-downs from my own closet, some of which go back to my own mother, have been dismissed as incorrect. Where to start? — Susan, New York, NY
Not with ‘euphoria’. That much-discussed award-winning teen streaming drama has spawned a whole fashion subset on TikTok, largely with what appears to be attempts to wear the smallest, most body-conscious amount of clothing possible. And not with ‘The Breakfast Club’, John Hughes’ 1985 film in which Molly Ringwald canonized the stereotype of the balcony girl.
There’s a reason the prom scene in “Carrie,” with the image of the titular character in her party dress and crown drenched in blood, has entered the pop culture pantheon. Prom is one of those social events that somehow manages to be highly charged regardless of the generation or context. After all, the Met Gala is basically the fashion/Hollywood/society party, and think of all the effort and anxiety that comes with it! And those guys have stylists to help.
The question is how you can be yourself and show a different side at the same time. Dressing up is an opportunity to push the line of identity, especially as high school ends, but also a risk in an arena where judgments and cliques abound – a strange bridge between past and future.
In this context, I can understand why your daughter would rather not shop in your closet: After all, Prom is about her.
In addition, of course, she also needs to feel comfortable enough to move and dance without fear of accidentally revealing a body part. Not to mention eating and drinking without getting a stomachache from corsets or some other form of punitive clothing construction.
It may seem impossible. Yet there are in fact many alternatives to the generic spaghetti-strap-deep-vee-neck-slinky-dress-with-split-up-the-side that seems to be the current standard ball cliche.
If your partygoer is interested in the resale economy, she can scan Poshmark, which has an entire section devoted to prom dresses, and may offer more variety than brick-and-mortar vintage stores. But maybe it’s easier to think about finding a great maxi dress, or even a jumpsuit.
(Note: Often there is a bit of a price increase associated with ‘prom dress’ or even ‘party dress’, as opposed to say ‘maxi dress’, exactly like ‘white wedding shoes’, so be careful with your search terms.)
This one-shoulder kaftan dress from Anthropologie, for example, in bright blue, is both breezy and funky, thanks to the fact that the belt is actually… a belt. Or check out this zodiac-embellished sequin look from Free People, and this draped silk channeling the ’30s star – also why I like this satin turtleneck neckline jumpsuit from Lulus.
And it’s also possible that the easiest option, as my colleague Jess Testa suggested, is a really simple dress and some great accessories: high impact, low involvement, still very personal and as unconventional as can be.
Your style questions, answered
Every week on Open Thread, Vanessa answers a reader’s fashion-related question, which you can send her anytime via e-mail or Twitter† Questions have been edited and compressed.