Catherine Howe and Patrick Walsh had their wedding postponed three times before finally getting married on April 17.
By this time, they had already traveled to their dream honeymoon destination, Greece, where they spent two weeks in September. They had also collected a lot of furniture for their apartment in Queens, where they had lived for almost four years.
However, what Ms. Howe, who works in project management at a creative agency, and Mr. Walsh, the chief commercial officer at a technology training firm, didn’t have was all the money they needed to buy a house, something they could afford. expect to do in the future.
So on their wedding invitations, Ms. Howe, 36, and Mr. Walsh, 38, asked their 65 guests to “hug, kiss, high five, share dessert…and if they’re feeling particularly generous” to donate money that the newlyweds would on the way to a first home. In other words, they just wanted cash and weren’t shy about asking.
“Rather than feeling pressured to put a bunch of stuff on it that we like or don’t like, we put this on it,” said Mr. Walsh.
While money has long been an acceptable wedding gift, it has not always been considered good etiquette to ask for it. But the attitude has changed. Keep in mind that invitations aren’t bills and gifts aren’t mandatory, as long as requests for money are made tactfully, they’re now considered fine, said Jodi Smith, an author and the founder of Mannersmith, an etiquette consultancy. at Marblehead, Mass.
“While specifically asking for cash is rather cumbersome,” said Ms. Smith, “the savvy couple can gently steer guests toward a monetary gift.” If someone invited has questions about the absence of items from a registry, she added that couples should come up with a thoughtful response explaining that they already have all the gear they need.
Catherine Windorf, 28, a content marketing executive, was initially nervous about requesting monetary gifts during her September 2021 wedding to Kevin Windorf, a 31-year-old firefighter, in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Although the couple now lives in Berlin, Ms. Windorf grew up in Knoxville, where good manners are part of the area’s southern culture. She had heard people say “asking for cash is rude” when other couples asked for monetary gifts at their wedding.
But the two were saving to buy a house and needed more money than material items. Instead of asking outright for cash, they didn’t mention a register in their invites and waited for their 25 guests to notice and ask about it. In response, “we said cash would be greatly appreciated,” Ms. Windorf said.
“I think for most people it was actually a relief,” she added. “Writing a check or putting cash in an envelope is much easier than going out and trying to buy a gift.”
At the wedding planning and registration website, the Knot† the number of couples requesting cash for registers created in the first quarter of 2022 increased 10 percent compared to the same period in 2021, said Melissa Bach, the senior director of brand communications, noting that some of the registers from both time periods also include physical gifts.
Emily Skurnik, a spokeswoman for Zola, another wedding planning and registration website, said, “Overall, the trend is definitely that many couples are becoming more interested in choosing cash that suits their relationship and weddings.”
In 2020, Zola added the ability for couples to create registries with cash, which Ms Skurnik said have since been used to solicit money for everything from home renovations, pet adoptions, and even world tours of Michelin-starred restaurants.
The rise of mobile payment apps has also made it easier for couples to request and receive monetary gifts.
On their wedding website, Rachel Wahba-Dunkley, 31, a certified life coach, and Brandon Dunkley, 30, a higher education administrator, told the 185 guests who attended their November 2021 wedding on Long Island that they would rather use cash gifts to pay for their wedding. date to use. nights, travel and other aspects of married life.
The couple, who live in Manhattan, gave attendees the option to send gifts directly to their bank account via Cash App, Venmo or Zelle.
“Our guests thought this was unique,” said Ms. Wahba-Dunkley. By specifying where the money would go, they got “a great insight into our priorities as a couple,” she added, “and they liked thinking about what specific “things would help fund their donations.”
The entrepreneurs behind Birdie, a mobile payment app that is now in beta testing and set to officially debut in June, developed it with monetary donations in mind. Users can create cash registers for weddings (or other life events) and once guests have chosen an amount they want to give, they can send money along with a digital card with a personal note to give the gift a more genuine feel.
“Our goal here was to build a product that would make people feel comfortable asking for the gifts they really want — cash,” said Candace Ravan, Birdie’s chief executive in Los Angeles, who added the opportunity. to send digitally “100 dollars with a beautiful card” is “a real gift”.
Thomas Farley, who lives in New York and writes a column called Ask Mister Manners that is syndicated nationally, says the preference for cash gifts over stuff has grown because modern couples generally marry later than in the past or move in together before dating. marry, and have already gathered the household goods they need at the time of their marriage.
But following Ms. Smith, he added that when they ask for money, “couples should remember that a wedding isn’t a fundraiser: it’s a party that doesn’t come with an entrance fee.”
Should cash be the only gift a couple desires, Mr. Farley to tell the guests how they want to use it. As in the case of Ms. Wahba-Dunkley and Mr. Dunkley, this can make attendees feel like they’re giving something meaningful, even if it’s not immediately tangible.
When Michael Campbell, 27, a marketing director, and Alexis Campbell, 28, a certified nursing assistant, received the RSVPs for their June 2020 wedding in Bayfield, Wisconsin, Mr. Campbell to the guest list of 200 people sent a separate letter thanking them for taking the time to attend. In it, he also explained that instead of asking for physical gifts, they hoped that their guests would instead give money that the newlyweds could use as they transitioned into married life.
At their location, the couple, who lives in Madison, Wisconsin, set up a gift table with boxes of various things they could use as monetary gifts for, including necessities, furniture, appliances, and a future home.
“As each guest came in, they could just drop off their gift in the area they wanted to contribute to, and this way they still had some say in how the money was being spent,” said Mr Campbell. “The goal was to make gift-giving as easy as possible for guests and to help us get started with our lives as a married couple.”