It’s best not to fall under the false pretenses that your partner might change and that the abuse is a one-time incident. If it happened once, it can happen again.
After Rakhi’s case went viral and left everyone in shock, News18 reached out to professional psychologists and relationship experts to understand why domestic violence occurs, what can be done when faced with such a problem and how to avoid it
Adil Khan Durrani, the husband of actress Rakhi Sawant, has reportedly been arrested in Mumbai. Rakhi herself has admitted that it was she who filed a complaint against her husband after he allegedly beat her. It is said that Adil was at Rakhi’s house when the police from Oshiwara Police Station came to take him for questioning.
According to a viral recording that has surfaced on the internet, Rakhi was heard addressing the media and speaking about the case. She said: “This is absolutely not a drama, he has ruined my life. He beat me and took my money.”
Rakhi also informed the paparazzi about how Adil had also come by this morning to beat her and wanted to enter her house despite being hesitant not to meet him. She strictly clarified that although she has been feeding him in public with her own hands lately, it doesn’t mean things are good between them. The actress said, “He’s still technically my husband, but just because I’ve fed him with my hands doesn’t mean we’re patching up.”
According to a report published by the National Crime Records Bureau, violence against women was found to increase by 15.3% in the year 2021, and 31.8% of the cases recorded fell under the category of ‘Cruelty’. by husband or his relatives’. In India, only a woman can make a complaint about domestic violence, but one should keep in mind that domestic violence is not gender specific in any way, both men and women can be victims of abuse.
Dr. Shyam Mithiya, a psychiatrist and sexologist, states: “Each case of domestic violence, whether emotional or physical abuse, is case specific and varies from person to person. The most common reason behind aggression in relationships is personality disorders such as paranoid personality disorder and borderline personality disorder.”
“Compatibility also plays a major role. Narcissism and ego can be important trigger points in a relationship. Substance use is a factor that should not be overlooked, alcohol and cannabis are used by all strata and are a major cause of the increase in paranoia and anxiety and lead to episodes of aggression, he added.”
Dr. Mithiya also emphasizes that “setting boundaries” is crucial in any relationship, it is important for both partners to know their limitations and boundaries, both physical and emotional.
Domestic violence whether in the form of physical torture or emotional abuse is not time bound, once it has happened it can certainly happen again. Dr. Kavita Mungi, a relationship expert, shared: “In any case of domestic violence, the victim is always hopeful that the partner can change and so can the situation and they keep going back to the person, but that cycle needs to be broken and even if the abuser is extremely sorry for their act of violence, it doesn’t mean they won’t repeat the same thing in the future.”
She went on to say: “Domestic violence is something that happens when you are unable to express your feelings or walk away from the situation because sometimes someone can have great feelings for their partner but still be inclined to abuse them . It’s a very difficult situation to be in, but you need to have a backup plan and a safe group they can confide in and friends and family members need to be as supportive as possible.”
The basis of a good relationship is understanding and belief that you are safe with and around your partner. There may be disagreements, but both partners should be calm and polite about a crisis or a situation. It is necessary to maintain sanctity between two people and anger should always take a backseat, but it doesn’t always happen that way, resulting in a series of abuses.
On the same note, Dr Aman Bhonsle, a Psychologist and Relationship Expert share, “One should realize that if there is a disagreement, there is always room to negotiate. Frustration can happen and it’s very normal in any relationship, not just a romantic one. One must work on their ability to negotiate, violence occurs when one is unable to do so effectively. Violence of any kind is never the solution.”
Dr. Mungi’s advice for maintaining a healthy and happy relationship is: “When it comes to a relationship between two people, things will definitely get tough after the initial golden period is over. It’s hard work that will help you maintain the relationship, simple pleasures of life are responsible and help you build good rapport between partners.”
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