A partner in a toxic relationship may have convinced you that you are the problem in the relationship. (Image: Shutterstock)
Often people who have not been through an unhealthy relationship ask the one who is stuck to leave as soon as possible. In the end, it may be easier said than done.
While no relationship is perfect, some can have a significant adverse impact on your health, happiness, and overall well-being. For some relationships, these negative effects may be easy to spot because they are clearly toxic and abusive, but other relationships have more subtle signs of being unhealthy. It is important to understand that every relationship is different with the passage of time and may undergo some changes. But certain traits tend to characterize unhealthy relationships. Many people cannot do this for a myriad of reasons.
Marriage and family therapist, Emily H. Sanders, revealed some of these reasons. People who don’t leave, she says, are almost always a combination of two or more factors. Here are the reasons why you may be subconsciously struggling to end a toxic relationship:
The bliss of relationships
There are several reasons that can directly affect leaving the relationship. You may be waiting to see if your partner is willing to make the changes you’ve requested. Alternatively, if you’re willing to make a relationship work, you might try different strategies to see what can help you. One of the hardest things you can do to yourself is spend time trying to make yourself expect or want less. This is especially done when we try to find peace with what we already have.
Emily H Sanders also mentions that when people are in long-term relationships, ending them can be difficult. This is because they may be angry about ending a relationship in which they have invested so much time and energy. People continue to invest without wanting to feel that time has been wasted. For others, the beginning of a relationship is often the best phase. You can hold on to the experience of that beginning and believe that eventually you can return to that place.
If you’re afraid of being alone, breaking up with a relationship can be especially triggering for you. You may be afraid that you can’t find anyone else, forcing you to settle for a less-than-deserving relationship instead of being alone. Likewise, ending a relationship comes with its own set of hurdles, including emotional ones. You may not feel ready to face the grief that comes with a breakup.
Other persons involved
This may not be about you at all. You may be concerned about how your partner. Whether they will be able to sail through the breakup and in life without you. The question that often comes to mind may be how they will take care of themselves when you are gone. This also applies to your children. It can be particularly tricky to navigate when children are involved. You may not like the thought of your children not having both parents together.
A partner in a toxic relationship may have convinced you that you are the problem in the relationship. So instead of getting out, spend time working on yourself in the hopes that things will improve. Alternatively, a partner may not be the only one encouraging you to stay in a toxic relationship. You may be surrounded by friends and family who are unaware of how unhealthy the relationship is. Since they have no clue, they might encourage you to stay. Perhaps you have religious beliefs that prevent you from ending the relationship.
More factors at play
Even toxic relationships don’t have all bad days. That’s exactly what makes them so confusing. You may be sifting through that confusion, making it hard for you to leave.
Furthermore, breaking up a relationship requires financial resources, especially if you have been dependent on your partner. Not having the financial resources can discourage you from leaving. In addition, some people may find it physically dangerous to leave.
People often leave a relationship, but then decide to go back and understand more about the relationship. This will look something like “Was it really as bad as I remember?” or “Maybe they’ve made changes now.” Your past dynamic may also play into your current relationship. If you have unconsciously chosen the method of trying to mend or heal by staying in your relationship in the past, you may be more willing to do it in the present.
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