Welcome to Best of Late Night, a roundup of the previous night’s highlights that can help you sleep – and get us paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies now on Netflix†
Speaking from experience
Chelsea Handler kicked off four nights of hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live” Monday night, saying, “I’ll be here all week, or at least until Republicans make it illegal for women to talk.”
“Jimmy is gone now to do what the [expletive] he wants with his body.” — CHELSEA HANDLER
Handler dedicated her monologue to the Supreme Court’s decision to quash Roe v. Wade.
“Remember how five days ago Fox News told us the biggest threat to America was drag queens? That was cute.” — CHELSEA HANDLER
“Right now I would probably have more rights if my vagina were an AR-15.” — CHELSEA HANDLER
“And by the way, I speak from experience of all of this as someone who had three abortions in high school. And if that sounds too extreme, let’s pretend I had two. Because here’s the thing: this planet is a much safer place without me polluting it with my kids. I’m responsible enough to know that we don’t need pothead-molly-loving alcoholics walking around topless anymore. — CHELSEA HANDLER
“Not only has this decision further divided our country, most families now have two separate group texts: one with relatives who support women’s rights and one with the relatives living in Florida.” — CHELSEA HANDLER
The Punchiest Punchlines (Supreme Court Edition)
“People just want things done. Nobody cares about Kente cloth or singing on the steps of the Capitol, especially poetry, okay? I feel like Chuck Schumer could throw on a fake pregnant belly any second, and just take a knee in the Capitol and say, ‘We’re all pregnant now and we’re standing together.’” — TREVOR NOAH
The Pieces Worth Watching
“The Daily Show” correspondent Michael Kosta examined vasectomies on Monday’s show.
What we’re excited about on Tuesday night
Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”
