“Personally, I got suspicious when Neil Gorsuch stopped wearing his ‘cunt hat’.” —STEPHEN COLBERT
“That’s right, it looks like the Supreme Court will overturn Roe v. Wade. Apparently they have decided that masks are not mandatory, but Mother’s Day is.” —JIMMY FALLON
“Yes, that means all over the country, women in places like South Dakota or Missouri or even Texas will have the exact same abortion rights as women in Afghanistan under the Taliban. Yes, and think about that: we just evacuated people from Afghanistan, and now we have to evacuate them from Tennessee?” — TREVOR NOAH
“Most people thought the freedom of choice was just like America was. No one ever thought that the GOP could reverse it by playing an upside-down Uno card. — TREVOR NOAH
“For perspective, consider this: It wasn’t until the year after Roe v. Wade that women in America were given the legal right to have a credit card without a man. Think about it. Yes. And I think we can all agree that it would be a little weird if the court suddenly said, ‘Look, if the founders wanted women to have credit cards, they would have said that. They would have.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“Today, Chief Justice John Roberts condemned the leak and announced an investigation into how it got out. Americans say, ‘Um, the leak isn’t our main concern.’” —JIMMY FALLON
“The conservative majority in the court has a fundamental right to choose when to bring a decision into the world. Imagine a random person invading your privacy and making that choice for you. Who would do such a thing?” — TREVOR NOAH