If you’re afraid of being abandoned in relationships, it’s important to understand why this fear exists and what you can do to overcome it. (Image: Shutterstock)
With time and effort, it is possible to overcome this fear and build strong, fulfilling relationships with others.
Relationships can be complex and they can trigger many different emotions. One of the most common fears people experience in relationships is the fear of being abandoned. This fear can be debilitating and cause individuals to sabotage their relationships or avoid them altogether. Psychotherapist Sadaf Siddiqi explained that “as human beings we all have a strong need for an emotional and physical connection from the moment we are born.”
She emphasized the importance of skin-to-skin contact for babies and the comforting power of a hug from a friend or partner when they’re feeling down. In addition, she emphasized that individuals typically develop stronger bonds with people who genuinely listen and show empathy. Siddiqi related these principles to the notion of separation anxiety, implying that a lack of emotional closeness could contribute to this feeling.
Sadaf Siddiqi said: “Abandonment anxiety is a severe form of relationship anxiety that can stem from a combination of factors, such as childhood trauma, an insecure attachment bond, or a personality disorder (such as borderline). It is not a diagnosis, but rather a symptom of a larger underlying problem.” She went on to share a few ways to ease the fear of abandonment.
Separation anxiety can arise for a variety of reasons. If a person has experienced consistent neglect, abuse, dismissal, or ignorance from a parent or caregiver, it can lead to a fear of abandonment, even if unintentionally. In addition, one or more traumatic events can affect a person’s biology, such as brain chemistry, or personality, which can lead to a fear of abandonment. Growing up in an unstable family environment with little emotional warmth, physical affection, or a lack of attention to personal needs can also contribute to a fear of abandonment.
Separation anxiety can manifest itself in:
- Constantly looking for clues that your friends or partners don’t approve of you (or don’t want to be with you).
- Having a desire to please others at the expense of one’s own well-being.
- Absence of personal boundaries in your relationships.
- Staying in unsatisfying relationships because the fear of being alone or lonely is greater.
- Need frequent confirmation regarding small things.
- Struggling with self-esteem and self-reliance.
4 tips to reduce separation anxiety:
- Strengthen your own identity by actively participating in activities that promote self-confidence, such as sports or the arts.
- Look for multiple sources of support, including mentors, friends, online communities, spiritual groups, or a therapist.
- Develop daily routines that prioritize meeting your basic needs, such as paying attention to sleep hygiene, regular exercise, and good nutrition.
- Take time to reflect on challenging emotions through various methods, such as therapy, journaling, or meditation, to create a pause and process them effectively.
- The fear of being abandoned in relationships is a common fear that can be triggered by a variety of situations. If you’re afraid of being abandoned in relationships, it’s important to understand why this fear exists and what you can do to overcome it.
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