Those born in late December often get well-meaning pity when they tell people their date of birth. Isn’t it hard, they are asked, to let your special day get lost in a marathon of major holidays?
The short answer is often yes. (Disclaimer: This story was written and edited by two people who had birthdays at the end of December, so we can’t claim to be completely unbiased on this matter.)
“Having a birthday at the end of December sucks,” said Kim Rosenberg, who turned 56 on Dec. 29. Birthday gifts are lumped together with other Christmas gifts. The weather is often terrible (at least in the northern hemisphere). Many family and friends are out of town, and those who stay behind are often too exhausted from all the other partying to make much of an effort for a birthday.
Ms. Rosenberg, who lives in Toronto, still remembers the year her stepmother refused to buy her a birthday cake because she felt the leftover Christmas cookies and other goodies should suffice. “Didn’t you even get me a $5 cake from the grocery store?” said Mrs. Rosenberg.
Some anxious parents-to-be even ask if they should go into early labor to avoid holiday conflict, said Dr. Tawana Coates, an obstetrician and gynecological surgeon in New Albany, Ind. She assures them that their concerns, while well-meaning, are not insurmountable. She speaks from experience: She gave birth to her own daughter as holiday music echoed through the hospital and snow piled up outside.
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“She weighed 6 pounds, 6 ounces and it was -6 degrees when we got home,” said Dr. Coates.
The advice of dr. Coates is to go the extra mile to make a December birthday clear. Through some trial and error, she learned to throw two parties for her daughter Mars, who turned 11 in December: a big one earlier in the month, before her friends’ schedules fill up, and a smaller one on the actual day before graduation. family. .
“You were born at a special time of year when there are a lot of joyful things,” said Dr. Coates to Mars, who has come to embrace the season: The theme of her birthday party this year was “Christmas.”
Ms. Rosenberg, on the other hand, has worked to create her own joy apart from the holidays, with the help of a “found family” of friends who stepped in to make her birthday special when relatives were short on time. They took her on a road trip across California for a year – photographing old signs, discovering fun dive bars and staying in a (supposedly) haunted hotel.
December birthdays can also teach a kind of selflessness. RayShawn Payton-Kilgore, who turns 30 on December 31, has hosted only two birthday parties in his life. No one attended the first, the year he turned 14; he remembers how his friends stopped across the street to pick up a neighbor and left instead to spend New Year’s Eve together.
For years he focused on finding contentment amidst the revelry of others. “That’s always been my gift to myself,” says Mr. Payton-Kilgore, information technology business analyst in Louisville, Kentucky. “How can I make that day happy for everyone else?”
But last year, his therapist urged him to really celebrate himself. This time his friends got on board and they all went to a nice restaurant and saw a drag show.
“We had a ball,” said Mr. Payton-Kilgore.
This year, he has another reason to celebrate. He and his partner (who also has a birthday at the end of this month) had a son on December 2. Like many patients of Dr. Coates, they had hoped for a birth in January, but when their son came a few weeks early, they were still overjoyed.
“I definitely want to make a point to make that day about him, to show him he deserves to be selfish for a day,” Mr Payton-Kilgore said. “It’s important to feel special.”